Pushing Pamcakes
by dokichan
Summary: Hellboy discovers Broom's intent and why John Myers got the job pushing pamcakes.


_"What landed you this job pushing pamcakes? punctuality? the way you part your hair?"_

So he could be a jerk sometimes. It was just Myers anyway -as if that justified it. Still, Hellboy found himself wondering just what exactly John's area of expertise was.

It wasn't punctuality because he'd watched the security tapes of John's arrival recently. Five minutes late and unbalanced, unprepared. It was a wonder Myers even made it into the FBI and Hellboy didn't even want to follow that train of thought because then he wouldn't have even met Myers.

Although he hadn't officially checked he was pretty sure that Myers hadn't gotten the job because of the way he parted his hair.

Of course Hellboy could just ask for Myers files. He could even ask Abe, but both were just too obvious for Hellboy's tastes. In fact he had only come across the tape of John's arrival through Liz.

Liz had accidently (or not) left the tape with Hellboy. Hellboy didn't even bother to ask why she had the tape. He was glad to have it and wasn't about to look a gifthorse in the mouth.

And now Hellboy couldn't help but think about it. Why a scrawny transfer from Quantico with no experience?

Hellboy couldn't figure it out. He couldn't exactly just ask. Well, he could but that would

seem to much like interest on his part. Maybe if he presented it in a casual fashion...No, he couldn't take that chance.

And so Hellboy waited for information to slowly come to him. He didn't have to wait long. One day Liz came in and without a word, smiled, dropped a pile of tapes on his desk and left.

More Myers tapes.

The first one he watched was of Myers, father and Abe. Hellboy felt a tinge of guilt as Myers tried to convince father to transfer him because he thought Hellboy didn't like him. Although he thought it was quite amusing to see John deny that he had a 'pure heart'.

So now he knew that Myers had been chosen from over seventy academy graduates. That made his search for information even more puzzling as he was forming a theory that the FBI was just really short on applicants that year. Well, win some lose some. It was nice to know that John wasn't harbouring some psychotic urges though. Pure heart...right.

The second Myers tape was of John's first meeting with Abe. He hadn't freaked out as much as Hellboy thought he would have. Hellboy was a little affronted though (on Abe's behalf) when Myers called Abe - 'it'.

However Hellboy forgave Myers after watching the third tape. It showed Liz and John discussing a movie. In which John always called the characters 'it'. Liz addressed John's grammar problem. Making him blush and speak more carefully. Stupid John. Aren't FBI agents supposed to be smart? He couldn't be too hard on them though. They were okay at times.

Hellboy stuck in the next tape. John showering. Even though the shot was shoulders up Hellboy twitched uncomfortably in his seat. What _was_ Liz watching these days? And did the bureau have to be this thorough in their surveillance?

Feeling like an ashamed teenager Hellboy quickly took the tape out. Debating whether or not to put in the next one. Curiousity won over.

It was John's interview with father.

_"What is your area of specialty?"_

_"Hostage negotiations, sir."_

_"What are your qualifications?"_

_"Well, I have a degree in-"_

_"I have your file. But what do you think differentiates you from other candidates?"_

_"Well...nothing sir, we all have the same training."_

_"Right, but how do you view your surroundings?"_

_"Well, I try to take a logical view of things but if that doesn't work I go on...intuition? Uh-I mean, strategy...uh, like-"_

_"That will be fine."_

_"But-...right, sir. I apologize-"_

_"One more question. Do you like cats?"_

And suddenly Hellboy understood his father's reasoning.

Who better? Sure Myers was young and tongue-tied at times. Sometimes he was downright illogical (a nice word for stupid), but...he was pure, untouched, innocent. Unlike most agents, unlike most adults. He was honorable. Just the person to make Hellboy become so attached to humanity that he'd never leave them. That he could never abandon them as long as someone like Myers existed.

With that thought in mind Hellboy popped the tape out and put in the shower video. If Hellboy was supposed to become attached to humans through Myers - Why not start now?


End file.
